


The Black Dress

by ohofcourse



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, F/M, Face-Sitting, Feminization, M/M, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, illumi is a woman bc of his pins, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27549940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohofcourse/pseuds/ohofcourse
Summary: Leorio sees a woman at the bar with long black hair and big black eyes. Naturally, he hits on her.
Relationships: Leorio Paladiknight/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 21
Kudos: 138





	The Black Dress

**Author's Note:**

> Juno made Leolumi art and so i wrote a fic about it. Whatever! 
> 
> here's the art!! https://twitter.com/noredemptionarc/status/1327014290113617922
> 
> ALSO i don't actually take this ship all that seriously, i just thought it was cute and fem Illumi is always fun to write so pls enjoy!!

He saw her from across the bar. 

Leorio wasn’t the kind of person who noticed people’s outfits, but this woman was in the finest dress and the most captivating jewelry he had ever seen. 

The hem of her black dress was short, so short that from the way she was sitting, her ass was barely covered. Instead of heels, which seemed to be this bar’s standard for their female patrons, she was wearing sneakers--bright white and obviously expensive, the kind of sneakers you wouldn’t want to crease or wear while walking on the grass. 

A delicate silver chain hung from her neck, at the bottom of which sat a dark red gem. Higher up on her throat was a thicker, more masculine chain, also silver, crusted at the edges with what must have been diamonds. Leorio couldn’t be certain, but he was pretty sure the word for that necklace was a  _ cuban chain _ . 

She tilted her head and a cascade of silky black hair shifted, catching the light with its dark gleam. 

She leaned forward onto her elbows, ordering a drink from the bartender. Her chest filled out the cups of her black dress in a way that was making Leorio’s hands sweat. 

_ I should say something to her.  _

_ No. She probably has a boyfriend.  _

_ If she had a boyfriend, she wouldn’t be sitting at a bar alone.  _

_ I’m pretty tall, that might be enough for her.  _

_ Okay, I’m going to go.  _

“Hey,” he said, giving her his very best smile. 

The woman turned and for a moment, something like recognition flashed through her eyes. One perfect, dark eyebrow lifted and her lips pursed. 

“I’m Leorio,” Leorio added, feeling his face heat up. 

“Leorio,” the woman said slowly. Her voice was very low, shockingly low, and it was making Leorio’s stomach fizz with butterflies. 

“I just saw--noticed you and I wanted to introduce myself.” 

“Yes,” she agreed. There was nothing in her expression that indicated she was offended or bothered by Leorio. Her face was perfectly blank.

“Do you have a name?” 

“Mhm,” the woman said, picking absently at her manicure.

“O-okay,” Leorio said weakly. “Are you here with a friend?” He was starting to realize he had no idea how to do this. 

“No.” 

“Me either.” 

“Hm.” She had a tiny designer clutch resting on the table. Everything about her was clean and beautiful and put together. Even the lipstick on her small, pouting mouth was neither smudged nor faded.

“I just ordered a drink,” she said, leaning back in the stool and regarding Leorio from under thick, black lashes, “but you can get my next one.” 

“Oh,” Leorio said, trying not to sound too surprised. “Yes, yes, that sounds good.” 

“Where are you sitting?” She asked, peering around the bar with big, black eyes--familiar eyes, though Leorio couldn’t pinpoint why he found them so. 

“There,” he said. Without fanfare, she stood and led the way back to his table, taking with her the drink that the bartender had given her. It was green and it was served in a whiskey glass, neat.

Her dress was just long enough that she wasn’t flashing anything when she walked, but Leorio could see nearly the entire length of her thighs, pale and long and lean. She had tiny ankles and hair that went down to her waist. 

When she sat down, she crossed her legs, and Leorio caught a flash of a lacy black triangle of underwear. 

“Do you come--” Leorio stopped himself.  _ Do you come here often? Really? Idiot.  _

“I have a room at this hotel,” she said, smiling in a strangely fond way, like she was privy to Leorio’s internal thoughts and didn’t find them pathetic at all.

“Cool,” Leorio said blankly, head whirring between his ears. She leaned forward--he didn’t even know her name--and he found himself eye-to-eye with the tantalizing crack of her cleavage. For someone so slender, her tits were--she leaned back against the cushion, hair falling over one side of her face. A manicured finger tapped her bottom lip. 

“Wanna go?” 

“Yeah,” Leorio said with a shaky grin. 

She knocked back the rest of her drink and stood. Her dress had bunched up at her ass. She pulled it down with one hand, fingers gliding under the hem and tugging down in a way that had to be purposefully suggestive. 

“Come on then.” 

* * *

It began as soon as the elevator doors dinged shut.

Leorio, who had rested a hand at her lower back as soon as they had left the table, slid it lower, until he was grabbing a palmful of her ass and pulling her into him.

Her mouth tasted herbal and sweet--whatever she had been drinking was strong and unrecognizable. 

Leorio used his weight to push her up and against the wall, one hand grabbing the thick of her thigh and holding it up around his waist, while the other slid between her ass and the wall, cupping her through her underwear, which was already soaked through. 

Her head knocked back against the elevator door. 

_ “Leorio,”  _ she sighed, voice like a dream. 

_ She remembers my name,  _ Leorio thought with a fiendish shock of delight. He clumsily pulled her underwear to the side, sliding his fingers through her wet folds. She made a warmly pleased sound, hips stuttering back and then forward in an attempt to get more friction. 

Distantly, Leorio heard the elevator doors open. 

She pulled a keycard out of her little bag and held it between her teeth, one eyebrow raised expectantly. 

Leorio’s hand was still in her underwear. 

“Sorry.” 

Her nose wrinkled. 

“Don’t say sorry. Let’s go.” Leorio stumbled after her, embarrassingly hard in his pants already. They were at a floor so high up in the hotel that most of the doors were french doubles, which spoke of suites. 

Her room was at the very end of the hall. When she shouldered open one of the doors, Leorio made a strangled sound in the back of his throat. 

It was the most opulent set of rooms he had ever seen--rooms because it wasn’t just one, it was multiple: a living room, a dining room, two bedrooms each with a bathroom. 

She kicked her shoes off and tossed her bag on the decadent parlor table in the little foyer. There was a vase of flowers sitting there, red roses, with a card sticking out that said,  _ im bored  _ followed by a suit of spades and a suit of hearts. In Leorio’s lust-addled, and alcohol-addled, mind, he managed to feel a flicker of recognition. Something told him this was significant, this vase of flowers, this woman’s long black hair, blacker eyes, insane wealth, but then she was tugging him towards the closer bedroom and her dress was up over her hips and Leorio could see that the underwear he had pushed to the side hadn’t been returned to its place. 

He felt his mouth actually water. 

* * *

She stepped out of her underwear and left it in a tiny black lace puddle on the ground. Her gaze was on Leorio, head cocked, as if waiting for him to do something. 

“Do you want me to suck you off?” She asked suddenly.

“Hah?”

“Do you want--” 

“Yes! I mean, yes, yeah.” 

“Okay,” she said, taking off the longer one of her necklaces and setting it delicately on her bedside. “Lie down, then.” 

Leorio jumped out of his pants, hesitated for a moment, then took off the rest of his clothing, too. He flopped back on the bed--outrageously comfortable--and then glanced at down the length of himself. 

She crawled onto the bed and sat herself in between Leorio’s slightly spread thighs. Her gaze was clinical, as if she was mentally measuring Leorio up against every single one of her previous lovers. 

Leorio felt his cheeks burn. 

She was sitting on her calves, legs spread, underwear-less, and her dress was short enough to show  _ everything.  _

“I could go down on you, too,” Leorio added, because he really, really wanted. For the first time since the bar, she smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. 

“Yeah, you’re going to.” 

“ _ Christ.”  _

“What was that?” 

“Nothing,” Leorio said dazedly. And then he actually yelped when she took him down all the way to the base without hesitation. It was a little disappointing that she didn’t choke, not even a bit at the beginning. 

Leorio reached down to tangle his fingers in her hair, but she took both of his wrists and pinned them to the mattress, glancing up at him with her soulless black eyes. 

_ No touching.  _

Leorio let his head hit the pillows and sighed, letting his eyes close, letting her wet mouth, her wet throat, guide him to a silky, coming-too-soon orgasm. 

When he finally did come, she swallowed it down without fanfare, and then sat up and wiped her mouth with the back of her forearm. 

“Wow,” Leorio said with a laugh. She shrugged. 

“I can--” Leorio gestured to her. “Reciprocate.” 

“Can I sit on your face?” 

Leorio choked. Not trusting himself to speak, he nodded, fervently. 

“Finger me first,” she decided, coming forward to straddle him and then leaning in to press a kiss against his half-open mouth. 

Leorio felt himself relax into the sensation. She was a really good kisser, and her weight on his lap was reassuring. He reached behind her and she knowingly canted her hips back, angling herself so that her cunt was pressed right against his fingers. 

And then he slid up and down. 

She sighed into his mouth, eyes fluttering closed. 

“Mmph,” she let out, grinding back on his hand, eager for me. Leorio felt more in his element now. He knew how to finger a woman, knew where to rub, when to push in and how quickly. 

She was grinding down on his half-hard cock, and though it was sensitive, it wasn’t painful. 

He found her clit after a minute of blind searching. She cried into his mouth, eyelashes tickling his cheekbone. 

_ Good girl,  _ he wanted to say, desperately, and he wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t usually his style, but there was something about this woman. 

He rubbed delicate, teasing circles on her clit, felt her thighs begin to shake and clench. Her lips fell from his mouth and instead went to his neck, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses to his skin there. 

“ _ Good girl,”  _ he mumbled without realizing. 

She whimpered. 

_ “So good,”  _ he went on, in a daze, like he’d been drugged. She was humping his hand now, trying desperately to get enough friction to reach an orgasm. 

It registered late in Leorio’s mind that she was supposed to sit on his face. 

_ You’re supposed to sit on my face.  _

“You were supposed to-- _ shh _ \--you’re supposed to sit on my face, yeah? Still want to?” 

She pulled away from his neck and nodded, trance-like. 

“Are you close?” He asked. 

“Close enough,” she rasped. 

Leorio figured it would have been prudent to mention to this woman that his face had never been  _ sat on,  _ and though she was very tiny, thank you very much, Leorio was a little worried about breathing. 

And then she lowered herself down on trembling thighs, grasping at Leorio’s hair weakly, and Leorio suddenly couldn’t care less about breathing. 

He grabbed her hips, made her grind down on his mouth, held her against him when he scraped lightly at her clit with his teeth. 

Her thighs clamped together, and Leorio physically  _ felt  _ her get wetter, which he didn’t think was possible, and then she was shaking her head, mumbling,  _ no, no, no i’m gonna come, i'm gonna come.  _

_ You can,  _ Leorio wanted to say. Instead, he sucked at her clit until she sobbed and then shifted her up, until his nose was buried between her folds and his tongue was properly inside her. 

He felt her clench, felt the muscle in her inner thighs tighten against the sides of his face. He didn’t know why he hadn’t done this sooner. He couldn’t breathe; he never wanted it to end. 

_ “Leorio,”  _ she whined. 

He squeezed the ample curve of her ass in a gesture he hoped was soothing, and then grinded her down onto his face until she was doubling over like she had just been punched, and her thighs were shaking so bad that Leorio was worried the insides of them would chafe on his sideburns. 

Slowly, still trembling, she dismounted, dropping down onto her knees, butt on her heels, and propping her weight back on her palms behind her. 

Her legs were spread, revealing the pink wetness between her thighs, swollen now, and dripping. 

They stayed like that, her sitting up, Leorio lying down, both of them panting like they’d just done a workout, for a few minutes. 

Leorio’s face from the nose down was wet. He licked his lips in thought and then lifted his head. 

“Up for another round?” He asked, grinning lazily. Though she didn’t smile, her eyes flashed.

Like she was being guided with puppet strings, she got onto all fours and then let her top half sink into the mattress, tits pressed together, cheek smushed against the sheets. 

“Jesus,” Leorio breathed as she glanced over her shoulder at him, an eyebrow raised expectantly. 

Her thighs were still trembling minutely, in a sensory way that he doubted she could control. 

Leorio was hard already, hard and slightly wet with precome. He ran a hand over himself, once, twice, and briefly thought that a condom might be important, that as a doctor, it would be the responsible thing to do, but before he could say anything, the woman reached behind herself and shoved three fingers inside, testing to see how ready she was. 

Going by the visibly easy slide, slick and deep, she was more than. 

Flatteringly, she added a fourth finger and her eyes screwed shut and she  _ moaned,  _ high and pornographic. 

“M’ready,” she said, face buried in the sheets. 

“Me too,” Leorio replied with a breathy laugh. He pressed himself against her, just to watch his own dick slide between her folds, and then he finally adjusted the angle and pushed in, all in one go. 

She made a gurgling sound and clenched. 

“Woah,” Leorio gasped, bracing both hands on her lower back, “you can’t--you can’t do that. You gotta relax, or this is going to be  _ really  _ short.” He heard her laugh, silent and hiccuping. 

“Trying,” was her reply. 

Eventually, Leorio felt her walls flutter as she relaxed, thighs no longer tight with muscle but sinking apart, hips dropping until Leorio had to hold them up himself. 

Finally, he began to properly fuck her. 

She wasn’t vocal, certainly not as vocal as she had been when she had mounted his face, but Leorio had learned rather quickly in the short space of their night when she liked something. 

And he had to give it to himself, he was doing a pretty good job.

He saw one of her hands fly between her legs, to try to touch herself, but he gently pulled it away, pressing it back into the bed. 

“Not yet,” he said apologetically as she whimpered in protest. 

Leorio meant to stroke her hair, but as he pressed his hand against it, the only thing that felt natural was to grab a fistful of it and pull back. 

He felt her clench again, and then sigh. 

“Okay?” He asked. She made an affirming sound, so Leorio tightened his grip and used it as leverage to rail into her. 

She started making sounds, soft, stuttered moans that made her whole body jerk. Leorio was already getting close, but he wanted more, more of her body against him, more of her body sheathed around him. 

He wrapped an arm around the taut, narrow width of her belly and pulled her up onto her knees, impaling her on his cock. She sagged back against him, eyes half-open and glistening. 

“ _ Good girl,”  _ he murmured, kissing her ear. She tried again to touch herself, but Leorio prevented it again, one large hand wrapping around her petite wrists and holding them at the small of her back. 

“Wanna come,” she groaned. Leorio felt her wrists twitch against his hold, but it was weak. 

“You will,” he promised softly. “Just relax… that’s it.” 

“M’so close,” she said, sounding half pleading and half resentful, like Leorio was physically hurting her. 

He was nearly there himself. 

He reached down with his hand and cupped the front of her cunt, his fingertips pressing against his dick where it was nestled in her. 

She grinded forward, head lolling to bite at Leorio’s neck. 

Slowly, Leorio began to rub his fingers in circles, thrusting up at the same time. His pace was slow, but the double-ended sensations seemed to do her in. 

Leorio felt her stomach clench, felt her walls tighten like a vice, and then her clit was throbbing against his fingers, swollen and overworked. 

_ “Ah, ah _ ,” she hissed as Leorio pressed his fingers against her, mostly out of curiosity. 

_ “Hurts,”  _ she added, face scrunched with discomfort. 

“I’m really close,” Leorio said, kissing her temple, then her cheek, then her mouth. “You’re doing so well, you’ve done so well, I’m almost there.” 

Leorio stroked her thigh with one hand and used his other to graze lightly over one of her nipples. 

With every thrust, her tits bounced, full and heavy in his hand. 

He couldn’t believe this woman was on top of him, couldn’t believe that her little ribcage was pressed against his. 

He angled his head to kiss her, and felt her whole body go limp, like she had just been given relieving news. 

_ “Good,”  _ he purred into her open mouth, which was drooling and sweet. 

And then he came. 

* * *

In the aftermath, they showered together. She fingered Leorio’s cum out of herself, wholly unaware that Leorio was watching and instantly hard again. 

He sat on the marble bench in the shower and washed her hair, fingers working into her scalp as she stood between his legs with her eyes closed in pleasure. 

She was funny that way, almost feline in behavior. 

They didn’t have the energy to stay up much longer after the shower. She brushed her hair and slid under the covers, body twisting artfully like a grecian statue. 

Leorio watched her silently and thanked every god he knew for what had happened tonight. 

“I’m tired,” she said simply, covers pulled up to her chin. Leorio was lying right next to her, his shoulder brushing hers. 

“You had a long night,” Leorio agreed with a proud smile. 

“Hm,” she said, eyes sliding shut. “Goodnight, Leorio.” 

“Goodnight.” 

Leorio laid there in the dark for a few minutes longer, thinking of all the people he would tell about this night. Gon when he was older, for starters. 

And then, it struck him. 

“Hold on,” he said, sitting upright. “You never gave me your name!” But the woman was asleep, features relaxed into a peaceful mask of slumber. Leorio flopped back onto the mattress and sighed. 

“I guess I’ll ask her in the morning, then. I bet she has a really pretty name.” 

He fell asleep dreaming of whispering her name into the inner crease of her thighs. 

* * *

Leorio woke to a triangle of sunlight burning his face through the window. The woman had her arm thrown over his waist in an almost possessive way--masculine, Leorio decided dazedly. She was still asleep, but he could tell by the flutter of her lids that she would be waking soon. He ran his fingers through the precious silk of her hair. 

And at his touch, she woke. There was no groaning or mumbling or yawning. One moment her eyes were closed, and the next, they were open. 

Leorio had to admit, she was gorgeous, but very strange. 

“Good morning,” he said amusedly at her wide charcoal gaze. 

“This goes without saying,” she said, stretching out over the covers like a cat, “but don’t tell my brother about this.” 

Leorio frowned, eyebrows coming together in confusion. 

“Why would I tell your brother? I don’t know your brother.” 

She leveled him with an incredulous look. 

“Killua,” she said slowly, as if Leorio was, well, slow. 

“Killua,” Leorio echoed. It hadn’t processed yet. 

Give it a moment. 

Just a little longer. 

_ “NO!”  _

Leorio scrambled out of bed, hitting his back against the furthest wall. “ _ Illumi,”  _ he snarled for good measure. 

Illumi’s head cocked. He looked very confused now. 

“I’m sorry, what--you didn’t know already?” 

“How on earth would I have known? This is crazy! You’re crazy!” 

“I thought you would recognize me very easily.” 

“You’re a woman!” 

“Pins,” Illumi said flatly. 

“No, no, no,” Leorio mumbled to himself. Illumi was taking out the pins now. His jaw got a little stronger, his shoulders got a little broader. His face was more or less the same--beautiful, perfectly oval, eyes like a cat. 

His chest flattened, though, not by that much. 

He had a nice chest. 

“Illumi,” Leorio said, feeling very strange with that name on his mouth, feeling very strange about a lot of things belonging to Illumi that had been on his mouth. “I introduced myself to you last night! Clearly I didn’t know who you were! Why didn't you say something?” He wasn’t upset anymore, more so exasperated, like he was explaining to a child why it wasn’t okay to draw on the walls. 

“I thought it was a role-playing situation,” Illumi said with a shrug. “I wasn’t going to question it.” 

“Oh, god,” Leorio groaned, flopping back down onto the bed. Illumi was back to himself now. 

Leorio glanced at him through the cracks of his fingers and felt a little puff of pride. Wittingly or not, he had just slept with someone who looked like  _ that.  _ Good for him. 

“Last night was fun, though,” Illumi said, peering down at Leorio, eyes blinking owlishly. “I hope we run into each other again.” 

“Yeah, when you’re being  _ evil _ with  _ Hisoka _ .” 

Illumi smiled, flashing dazzling white teeth. Leorio nearly flinched--he didn’t think Illumi was even capable of that. 

“Yeah,” Illumi agreed. He leaned back into the pillows of the bed and sighed. 

“Hey,” he said suddenly. Leorio lifted his head from his hands. “You ever given a blowjob before?” 

Leorio felt his stomach do a somersault, and not in a bad way. Illumi was staring at him innocently, but he also had a hand around his cock, and he was stroking it lazily. 

“Um, I’ve received one?”

“Yes, I know,” Illumi said dryly. Ah, that’s right, he’d given him one last night. 

“How about this,” Illumi said, tucking his hair behind his ears in a gesture that was decidedly discordant from the way he was spreading his legs. 

“I’ll teach you.” 

“Teach me?” Leorio echoed. Illumi smiled again, that weird, weird smile that Leorio suddenly couldn’t get enough of. 

Killua’s evil older brother ran his tongue over his teeth. 

“I’ll talk you through it.” 

“Killua doesn’t find out,” Leorio snapped, jabbing a finger in Illumi’s perfect face, which suddenly turned solemn. 

“No, he doesn’t.” 

“Okay,” Leorio said dazedly, “talk me through it then.” 

**Author's Note:**

> as always!! comments are my life's blood!!
> 
> thanks so much for reading! until next time!


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